Rejection is an almost inevitable aspect of human existence. No one has ever achieved success in love or in life without first experiencing rejection. We’ve all felt it, and when we do, it’s often when we feel the most lonely, outcast, and unwanted. In fact, so much of the pain and struggle we face is caused by what we tell ourselves about the loss, the harsh ways we put ourselves down, or flood ourselves with hopeless thoughts about the future. Studies even show that our reaction to rejection is also based on aspects and events from our past, like our connection history. As a result, how we respond to rejection is frequently as important as, if not more important than, the rejection itself. This is why it is critical to learn how to deal with rejection!
Most of our failures are simply forms of rejection, and understanding how to deal with rejection will help you lessen your pain and return to your normal emotional state.
When you are rejected in some way, you fail to meet this critical need.
At first glimpse, some other popular needs and desires, such as success, and fears, such as failure, do not appear to be related to rejection worry.
When you examine them more closely, you will notice that success is frequently interpreted as a form of acceptance, while failure is often interpreted as a form of rejection.
When a person leaves for someone else, it can be difficult to cope with the rejection. They have to deal with not only the loss, the hurt, and the emptiness, but also the knowledge that they have been “replaced.” Regardless of how you slice it, the message is clear: “You are no longer good enough.” I’ve found a better match.”
When a partner abandons you, the first few weeks can be incredibly painful. People react by not eating, sleeping, crying, withdrawing, and generally feeling as if the bottom has fallen out. They may feel unreal as if they are a character in a play. There is rejection as well as disbelief.
Going to bed is frequently the most difficult part. The mind wanders to the location of rejection’s agony. It’s difficult to flee. The ideas keep coming. When sleep does come, it comes in fits and starts. Getting out of bed in the morning is no better. It’s a new day, and the agony begins all over again.
The pain of rejection is apparent:
Whether you were rejected for a date, ditched by someone you thought loved you, or were hurt in some way by your long-term partner, the pain of rejection is apparent. In fact, a 2013 study discovered that the brain reacts similarly to physical pain and social rejection.
“It can be as damaging as physical injury, which is difficult because we cannot see heartbreak, so we treat it in a different manner.”
Being rejected in love:
Romantic love is one of the most difficult areas to be rejected in.
The pain associated with this type of rejection is significantly greater than that associated with most other types.
Amazingly, many people love and desire those who aren’t as enthusiastic about them.
It appears that rejection, or even the fear of rejection, makes us more enthusiastic about what we can’t have, causing us to suffer even more.
When you first recognize you are being rejected, you may find yourself unable to speak and feeling physically ill.
Physical and other symptoms, such as the inability to sleep, work, or concentrate, can last for numerous weeks.
Despite the fact that the intensity of your negative thoughts will gradually fade, you will continue to have good and bad days.
You will gradually learn to enjoy your life again and will begin to notice other great opportunities.
Rejection can take a number of forms:
Rejection can occur outside and inside of relationships. There are obvious forms, such as being turned down for a date or having a partner break up with you. Even if you are the one who is ending a relationship, you may feel rejected if your partner does not fight for you.
However, someone in a relationship may face various forms of rejection from their partner. These less obvious forms of rejection can include being turned down for sex or affection when a partner frequently prefers the gym or friends over spending time with you when a partner spends too much time on social media while you’re sitting right next to them, or even when a partner criticizes you.
“That can make you feel as if they aren’t accepting of you. When you think about it, the polar opposite of rejection is acceptance.”
Subtle rejection can accumulate and become corrosive.
The tendency is to blame yourself:
Hearing that someone doesn’t want to be with you, no matter what form it takes can make you feel like you’re not good enough, and this can lead to you questioning your own self-worth.
When we hear ‘no’ we ask ourselves what’s wrong with us.
Although it is difficult, it is critical to try not to take rejection personally, especially in a relationship. The rejection could be due to your partner’s own issues, insecurities, or fears rather than yours.
If you’re feeling down, surround yourself with people who care about you so they can remind you how wonderful you are. Insecurity is caused by rejection, and the best way to overcome it is to spend time with a social group that accepts you.
Physical activity can also improve your mood by releasing endorphins. Mostly, it’s important to keep busy — whether it’s with work, friends, or other activities — and distract yourself (and resist the urge to creep your ex on social media) until the pain subsides.
You’ll think about them less and feel less pain as time passes. All you have to do is get there.
Practical steps for dealing with rejection:
While time will cure your wounds, here are some helpful hints on how to deal with rejection, alleviate pain, and significantly shorten your recovery period. These also include psychological tools and techniques that require reflecting on our past, improving our self-awareness and strengthening our sense of self in order to feel more self-possessed and strong in dealing with a current challenge and facing the future. Here, we’ll look at some of the most effective personal strategies for dealing with rejection.
1. Tell yourself it will go because it really will:
Continue to remind yourself that this is only a passing phase and that you may come to appreciate the experience in the future.
2. Engage in physical activities:
Play tennis or enroll in a fitness class at a nearby gym.
Physical activity forces us to focus on something other than ourselves and to live in the present moment.
That’s why we feel so alive when we’re active, and why exercise can be addictive.
Unlike other addictions, this one is beneficial to you.
3. Focus outside yourself:
Stop blaming and chastising yourself, even if it is difficult right now. Be your own best friend.
If you capture yourself evaluating your past or yourself, gently draw attention away to something external.
4. Learn something new:
Learning a new skill can be difficult; however, it can assist us to heal by keeping us busy and focused.
To make matters even better, learning a new skill may lead to the discovery of new opportunities or the meeting of new people.
New places are always exciting to visit and, like the recommendations above, will divert your attention away from negative thoughts and add excitement to your life.
6. Meet new people:
This should go without saying. When meeting someone new, you want to put your best foot forward, which forces you to pick yourself up.
Furthermore, new people have new and exciting stories to tell, which keeps you entertained.
7. Consider counseling:
If going through this hard time by yourself is too much to bear, counseling or psychotherapy can help you cope with your emotions.
A personal therapist, worksheets, live chat, messages, a journal, and other tools are included. All of the programs are based on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a goal-oriented method to treating emotional and mental health issues.
CBT is premised on the idea that your thoughts, rather than external stimuli such as people, situations, and events, cause your feelings.
It teaches you how to change your patterns of thinking and, as a result, helps change the way you feel.
CBT is one of the most common methods of dealing with different problems, including relationship problems, because it concentrates on what you can control — yourself and your thoughts.
8. Tell your partner, but never your ex, how you’re feeling:
There are times when you should absolutely tell someone how they have harmed you. Your ex is not going to be one of them.
There’s no need to persuade them if they don’t want you and don’t realize how great you are. Someone out there is waiting to endorse and accept all of you, so let them go and make room for what’s to come.
However, if you are feeling rejected in your relationship, it is critical that you speak up. Otherwise, those feelings will grow and grow until resentment forms. When speaking with your partner, try to use “I” statements such as “I was very hurt” rather than pointing fingers to avoid becoming defensive and turning the conversation into a fight.
9. We all reject our partners now and then:
According to research, people are the nicest people to their close friends, the least friendly to their friends, and the least friendly to their romantic partners.
We just take it for granted that they love us and that we can let it all hang out.
Sometimes we are simply self-absorbed and unintentionally reject our partners. And we aren’t always able to say “yes.” But it’s important to remember that the people we love the most are the ones who can hurt us the most.
“This is where we are most sensitive.”
10. Shift Your Perspective:
Our ability to understand things as “changeable” can have a significant impact on how we cope with rejection. According to Stanford researchers, a person’s “basic beliefs about character can contribute to whether [they] recover from, or remain mired in, the pain of rejection.” Their research found that people who have “fixed mindsets” and see personality as more fixed are more likely to blame themselves and their own “toxic personalities” for a breakup.
When they are rejected, they tend to second-guess and criticize themselves, making future relationships less likely. Individuals with a “growth mindset,” on the other hand, see their personality traits as something that can be changed or developed. They can see the breakup as an opportunity to grow and change. They are optimistic about their romantic future and the improvement of their relationships. People who have a growth mindset recover emotionally from a breakup much faster. If we can accept that life is flexible and that losses provide us with opportunities, we will be able to grow more within ourselves and suffer less when we are rejected.
11. Pay Attention to Your Inner Critic:
As humans, we are influenced not only by what happens to us but also by the lens through which we view what happens to us. The “voice” reflects a devastating thought process that frequently harms us in life and in relationships, frequently attacking us when we are most vulnerable. When we are faced with rejection, for example, the voice tells us, “See? I warned you it wouldn’t work. Nobody could ever truly like you. You’ll never find what you’re looking for.” It also gives us bad advice, telling us, “You should never have put yourself out there.” You’ll never be able to trust anyone again. You’ll only end up hurting yourself.”
We are all imperfect and have real things we want to work on in ourselves, but this voice is never a friend and is not favorable to real change. It feeds a vicious cycle of self-destructive thinking, which is sometimes followed by self-limiting or self-destructive behavior. When we’re dealing with a breakup, we can feel a lot stronger and more capable of moving on when we’re on our own side. That entails making our critical inner voice our number one opponent.
12. Practice Self-Compassion:
There are three major components to self-compassion:
(a)Self-kindness vs self-judgment:
When we recognize our critical inner voice creeping in and clouding our perspective, we should strive to be kind to ourselves. Essentially, we should treat ourselves in the same way that we would treat a friend. We can be sensitive and empathic to our own difficulties. This isn’t about feeling sorry for ourselves or denying our mistakes; it’s about not being harsh or judgmental toward ourselves.
(b)Common humanity vs isolation:
Neff highlights the fact that no one is alone in their struggle, even if it may feel that way at times. Every human being suffers, and the majority of them have been rejected. Remembering this link can help us avoid the feeling of being different or isolated. Many people have walked in our shoes, and we should feel optimistic and connected about our future.
(c)Mindfulness vs over-identification:
Mindfulness is a method that involves focusing our attention on the present moment and learning to sit with a thought or experience without judgment. Mindfulness, in addition to providing numerous mental and physical health benefits, assists us in avoiding over-identification with painful thoughts and feelings that arise. We can experience our emotions without allowing our negative thoughts to dominate. We can avoid being carried away by “critical inner voices” that replicated and distort ourselves and our reality. When strong emotions or reactions arise, practicing mindfulness or breathing exercises can help you feel quieter.
When we are rejected, self-compassion teaches us that we can be a friend to ourselves. We can be truthful about ourselves and our condition while remaining kind and understanding.
13. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Pain:
While hating ourselves is a waste of time, trying to cut off or sweep off our feelings when we are going through a difficult time in our lives is usually unproductive. It is critical that we allow ourselves to feel the sadness or anger that is triggered in us when we are rejected. Some of these feelings may be more intense because they elicit old, core emotions. We may be afraid to feel these emotions as a result, and as a result, we may gravitate toward attacking ourselves or the person who rejected us on the surface. We can always choose how we act, and while we shouldn’t let our emotions control how we act, we also shouldn’t try to turn them off completely. Allowing ourselves the freedom to feel our feelings, while recognizing that feelings come in waves, maybe a more appropriate mechanism.
When we are in a lot of pain or feel overwhelmed by emotion, it is always a good idea to seek help. When we allow ourselves to truly feel our sadness, we often feel relieved. We may also feel better about the situation as a whole.
14. Avoid a Victimized Mindset:
While it is important to recognize and feel our true feelings, ruminating on our misery or feeling mistreated by our circumstances never serves us. It can be tempting after a refusal to engage excessively in our anger or brood over our circumstances, but this can lead to an oppressed mindset in which we become stuck in our suffering and don’t feel we have much power. Whether we are charged and heated by our victimized feelings or lethargic and demoralized by them, neither attitude is conducive to feeling like an adult and moving on in a healthy way. Even when we are feeling the most hurt and vulnerable, it is critical to maintaining a sense of integrity in our actions. While we should continue to practice self-compassion, we must acknowledge that this is not the same as feeling or acting victimized.
15. Acknowledge Your emotions:
Rejection hurts, but the key to getting through it is to acknowledge your emotions. Mentally strong people are honest with themselves and accept their feelings. They use the ‘appropriate coping mechanism’ to deal with emotions such as sadness, anger, or disappointment caused by rejection.
16. A single rejection does not define them:
Strong-willed people recognize that rejection does not define them or their lives. If their crush ignores them, they do not begin to believe that the world has ended and that they do not deserve to be loved. They work on themselves and do not seek approval from others.
17. Friends and family:
They do not allow their harsh inner critic to suffocate them and drown them in negative thoughts. Rather than overthinking the situation, they express their true feelings to a close friend or family member and seek ways to feel better.
18. They practice gratitude:
Rather than overthinking what went wrong and how they could have done things differently, smart people look at the big picture. They count their blessings and believe that one rejection does not spell the end of the road. They realize there is nothing wrong with them; the other person was just looking for something else. In fact, they don’t take everything personally and know when to set their emotions aside and look at a situation objectively. Most importantly, they believe that life will be better for them in the future.
19. They learn their lesson:
Rejection is a chance for smart people to learn and grow as individuals. They may deal with the situation by identifying areas for improvement. They regard it as a learning experience and proceed in life with greater wisdom.
20. Try reframing:
Your feelings have the ability to control your mood and even your life. Rather than dwelling on negative thoughts, try to reframe them in a positive light. Instead of thinking, “I am not made for relationships and no one will ever love me,” reframe it as, “Relationships are never simple and require hard work from both partners to make it work.” I need to concentrate on what I can learn and avoid making the same mistakes.”
21. Feel the feelings:
Allow yourself to be moved by them. Don’t try to avoid them or push them away. Allow them to come. Feel for them. Allow them to leave. You may be concerned that they will never stop, but remind yourself that it will get better. No matter how hard we cry, we eventually come to a halt.
22. Understand you will go through the stages of grief:
The end of a relationship is similar to death. Disbelief, shock, anger, hurt, bargaining, sadness, fear, and depression are all normal emotions. When a partner leaves for another person, the grief process can become even more complex. The loss occurs, but the person remains. They made a deliberate decision to leave. Recognize your emotions, write about them, and soothe them.
23. Think of your pain like a wave:
There will be times when you will “forget” about it for a short period of time—and then it will hit you all over again. If you fight the sensation and try to push it away, it will grip you even tighter. Consider yourself diving into an emotional tidal wave. Allow it to come, observe it, and wash over you. Allow it to go.
24. Gather your support system around you:
You might want to withdraw. You might not have much energy to give to others. You may wish to remain in bed. In any case, reach out to others. Allow others to assist you. Allow them to listen. One day, you might be able to return the favor. Allow them to provide peace and comfort.
25. Stop the self-blame:
It’s normal to point the finger at yourself and wonder what went wrong, why you weren’t good enough. Keep in mind that it is not your fault. A relationship requires two people to work and only one person to end it. You can invite a partner to join you in therapy, but they must choose to participate. Partners leave for a variety of reasons. It’s possible that it has more to do with their baggage than with what happened in your relationship.
26. Practice self-care:
Make an effort to eat healthily and get enough rest. Take a stroll. Meditation, relaxation techniques, changing negative thoughts, and prayer are all things that can help you relax. It’s time to rediscover your “self.” Be gentle with yourself. Spend time with people who care about you.
27. Find a therapist who can help:
The road to recovery after a partner’s departure requires time, support, and patience. Consider seeing a therapist if you are grieving the loss of a partner. We are here to help you through times of crisis and to help you overcome the agony of rejection.
28. Distance Yourself For As Long As You Need:
This is the most difficult part, especially if you enjoy being around this specific individual.
This includes disconnecting from social media, not texting them to hang out, and possibly even getting away for a while.
Plan a trip out of town and participate in a variety of activities. Try something unusual and see if it develops into a new hobby or pastime. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself by discovering new ways to live your life.
You don’t have to cut off all connections permanently, but taking a break can help you gain perspective on the situation.
It’s difficult to know when it’s appropriate to re-establish contact. This is most likely unique to each individual. Just keep in mind, to be honest with yourself and that other person about when that time will come.
29. Write About The Experience:
That’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I’m not sure how much it helps in the long run, but it sure feels good to let the words flow. Allowing the emotions that surround the condition to take shape feels beneficial.
Keeping a journal or writing poems can help you get to the bottom of your wishes for the condition. This can be as free-form or as structured as you like. Perhaps you should make a list of your life goals and identify new things you want to try. Or perhaps you just want to let your thoughts run wild.
Whatever it is, write it down as best you can.
You could also share your writing with a friend to see what their opinions are on your ideas. Friends can often help us see things in ways we hadn’t previously considered.
Every love story in the movies has a satisfying ending. In real life, love isn’t always like that.
Sometimes we wake up at 5 a.m. thinking about that person again. When we hear their name, we get a shudder all the way through our bodies, as if they physically began to shake us to our core.
There are times when there is no clear answer as to why we felt the way we did and why they did not return our adoration.
Life isn’t always easy. Accepting that is a necessary part of the journey.
What not to do:
While a new relationship can help you move on from the past, it is not a healthy way to deal with rejection.
This is not only bad for you; it may also hurt the other person’s feelings.
Allow yourself some time. If you have an incomplete emotional business, don’t start a new relationship.