Hello friends… Today I will discuss with you some tips on “HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN YOU FEEL HOPELESS”
“All that is greater than the sum of its parts.” The metaphor is fitting for considering marriage in its ideal state. But what happens when this life object is reduced to its individual components? If you feel helpless, isolated, alone, would you know how to save your marriage?
You may not even know how you got here, but you feel where you are. The criticism of your husband’s sting and persist. The comments that were once so validating and that made you feel so respected have vanished. Going to work and busy yourself outside your home would be a welcome diversion.
And going home, especially if there is your spouse, is the loneliest part of the day.
This is the point in marriage where you can ask yourself, “How does an unhappy marriage affect you? Do I read my feelings correctly? Is that how I feel for the rest of my life?
You may not even share any of the core values anymore. Perhaps sex is simply a distant, emotionally painful experience. You may want to speak about petty subjects as a way of avoiding deeper problems (and deeper intimacy).
The only thing that could make you feel worse is your fear that your partner could feel the same way. And if you both feel so isolated, the time has come to learn how to save your marriage.
When you feel helpless, it’s normal to wonder if you’re ever going to feel comfortable again. But if, when you think about being happy, you’re running a video of your early days together, there’s a lot of hope. Simply understanding that this “stranger” was once the protector of your heart is a powerful weapon for reclaiming your marriage and happiness.
Almost every marriage comes at a time when you’re wondering how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless. You may be bored, irritated, upset, hurt, deceived, disappointed. Whatever the cause, a lot of couples come to the point that they feel like they just can’t move on together. However, if you still believe there is a need to focus on saving your relationship, it’s not too late. Every marriage can be put back on track, only if there is a willingness to do so.
HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE WHEN YOU FEEL HOPELESS:
1. KEEP IN MIND YOUR ‘WHY’:
Why are you trying to save your marriage? Did you really think about the reasons, or did you just base your decision on the presumption that staying married is your only option? Are you guided by a sense of responsibility, guilt , or shame? Or are you inspired by the thought of taking your marriage—”to infinity and beyond?
Be precise as you discuss your reasons, as your reasons will be your anchor as you make improvements to your marriage.
2. MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE ISSUES:
In some relationships, couples register for divorce without understanding why marriage is troubled. In some situations, problems that cause intense pain or frustration to one person do not bother the other. The first and most important move is to make a list of all the problems you’re experiencing and ask your spouse to do the same thing.
It can be quite revealing when you compare lists. There will be small annoyances that can be easily fixed, hard-to-understand problems, and deal-breakers. Even deal-breakers don’t inherently mean the marriage is over. If all partners cooperate, interact, and are willing to make a change, a marriage that appears impossible can be saved.
3. DEVELOP DEEP SYMPATHY FOR YOUR SPOUSE:
It could be so easy to assume that your shoes are the only ones with pain-inducing pebbles. Yet take a walk in the shoes of your partner. Wear it in a little bit. Learn what makes them feel relaxed and what makes them rub in the wrong direction.
In other words, get to know your spouse in more detail. Pay attention to what is irritating, stressing and frightening him/her. Learn the little indulgences that shed light on your spouse’s face and bring delight back to his / her life.
And start being present to the point of view of your spouse, even if yours is completely different. Empathy is the most caring way to live the Golden Rule of your marriage. Take the initiative and watch it go back to you.
4. BE COMPASSIONATE:
You don’t always need to agree with your partner, but you can always choose to be kind, compassionate, loving, appreciative, and affectionate.
5. LISTEN WITH THE OBJECTIVE OF LEARNING:
Active listening requires commitment, attention, and positive intent. It doesn’t have anything to do with tapping your foot when you’re waiting for your turn to chat. Instead, it’s about paying attention to all the information available — both obvious and not so obvious.
Pay attention to the body language of your partner and to your own language. Listen to the opportunities to express understanding. And lookout for ways to improve relaxation and validation.
Nothing is more effective in communication than making someone else feel heard — truly, sincerely heard.
6. STEP AWAY FROM THE PROBLEMS:
If you feel helpless and alone, you will end up in a downward spiral of feeling hopeless and alone. You see only the problems in your marriage, and they feel the negative feelings that fuel the focus on the problems. It’s very exhausting.
Push yourself to step beyond your usual focus and see from a different viewpoint. If you constantly look for and see the flaws of your spouse and the ways in which you feel dissatisfied with him/her, look for even one good trait.
Only focus on it. Remember how captivated you when you were dating for the first time. And remain in that energy until the time has come to select another constructive focus.
Little by little, just as you have drifted into seeing only the negative in your marriage, you will drift back into seeing only the positive.
7. PUT YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST:
Hopelessness typically occurs as a gradual deterioration of the fundamentals of happiness. Couples forget that marriage is a stressful task, and they start tossing little things overboard to lighten their load.
Before they know it, they’re traveling with nothing that makes an adventure possible, let alone worth it.
Provide a safe space for you both to be open and transparent. This is also the time to consider adding couple relationship support if you need to improve your communication skills.
Feeling hopeless is more normal in a marriage than you might think. If all you do is lead with compassion, even if you feel like you are the only one to make an effort, you will redirect your own heart and marriage. And when you have so much strength, it’s difficult to feel helpless.
8. STOP NEGATIVE PATTERNS:
Negative trends are not restricted to troubled relationships. They can also occur in stable and happy marriages. However, when the marriage is on the rocks, unhealthy habits need to be discussed.
Some habits can make it difficult to have a happy relationship. Common examples include: refusing to discuss differences, verbal abuse, blaming the other person, and bringing up past mistakes that are no longer relevant.
You can put an end to these patterns with great communication skills and mutual respect. You and your partner can learn to speak freely to each other and listen to what the other person has to say.
9. STOP THE CYCLE OF TOXIC ARGUMENTS:
The most important thing you need to do is give up on the never-ending conflicts and stop the negative exchange. Nip the sarcasm and verbal aggression at the bud.
10. ELIMINATE THE MAJOR DEAL-BREAKERS IN MARRIAGE:
Before you move on, commit to eliminating violence, affairs, and addictions from your relationship. These are the three key problems that don’t have a stable and safe relationship, and you need to get rid of all three of them.
Learn the skills to have a good relationship and recommit to each other:
It’s never too late to start over. Learn your communication skills, remember how to express love, recommit to your new marriage, and say it out loud.
11. FIND REASONS TO APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE:
Relationships can deteriorate if partners take each other for granted. Spouses can feel that their marriage is in trouble because they are no longer appreciative.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort to change this pattern. If your daily life consists of full-time jobs, caring for small children, or outside interests, take a few minutes each day to make sure your partner feels respected, cared for, and loved.
Perhaps your partner made an especially delicious dinner, looked beautiful in a new outfit, or received a promotion at work. From a hug to a “Thank You” or even a genuine compliment, there’s something you should remember every day. Whenever you recognize something unique, unusual, or exceptional, it will make your spouse happy. It can also help to reinforce the deep emotional bond and affection that exists between you and your partner.
12. SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITH OUTSIDE HELP:
It’s not always possible to save your marriage without additional support. In some cases, it could make things worse. Instead of trying to solve everything on your own, consider marriage counseling.
Couples therapy can be useful when your marriage is in danger. A therapist can help you see that your marriage is not hopeless and can offer advice and suggestions on how to repair your relationship.
If you are not familiar with marriage counseling, you may wonder what to expect. A good counselor is impartial. He or she is taught not to take sides and not to blame for conflicts in marriage.
Your advisor will help you understand your relationship and help each partner to understand the other. Your case manager can help you resolve your marital conflict. He or she will help you set expectations for a marital partnership and offer sound guidance about how to achieve those goals.
There is a key factor to bear in mind when seeking outside support. Marriage Counselors are experts qualified to be impartial. These traits are not shared by your friends and family members. Your loved ones may be interested in you, but they are not in a position to give sound advice and guidance. They are likely to take sides and provide information that may be negative. Outside assistance should come from a licensed, experienced marriage counselor.
To protect your marriage, click your hope again, and first learn to believe in your married life again. Follow the above-shared tips and restore love and peace in your marriage, which you both have entered into with a shared sense of love, joy, and togetherness.