“If you’re a lady thinking of how to get your partner back, you’ve probably taken the strategy of” desperate situations call for desperate measures “to make you do all sorts of unfortunate stuff, like” the walk of shame “and the dreaded” drunk dial.
These unflattering habits after separation are hardly what to do. Your behavior can make you look like a doormat, and eventually scare him away.
I know how unbearable it feels after your relationship ends when you really love him.
I was the desperate woman who was trying to come back with an ex. During the period, what I remember most is feeling so nervous and outright ashamed about some of the stuff I did in my attempts to show why they should come back to me.
But then, there came a harsh wake-up call, changing me for the better.
I have faced some huge failures, including a separation from a man I loved deeply. I was truly depressed, and I knew deep inside that our relationship wasn’t quite over.
My perspective wasn’t on whether he’d really come back or not. Instead, it was about an internal-knowing that if and when he decided to come back, but at the same time understanding that if he didn’t, I would really be fine.
I have been pursuing this 6 step plan that has brought him back to me. And they are essential to finding out how to make him want you again and get him back for a lifetime.
1. Do disagree on why things have ended.
The reality is, for valid reasons, you broke up. Don’t deny them if he discusses those explanations.
Have the ability to hear and accept the truth of what he says, and apologize for it. Being happy and loving is better than being right about everything.
Wanting to be right is your ego coming in and overshadowing the urge of your soul to be happy and cherished, against hearing the reality of how he feels while in a relationship with you.
2. In the breakup, take responsibility for your part.
Difficult to accept, but true: you have been the common factor in any breakup you have encountered. Look inside to decide how you contributed to the collapse of your relation, rather than blaming him completely for what happened.
Do you tend to ask your exes about their whereabouts, for instance, because you have a tough time believing them? If so, these are your faith problems to tackle and correct, not yours to tackle automatically.
Do the inner work of learning how to believe your own decision in order to feel more secure. That way, this problem will not reappear again and lead to another split if he returns.
3. Put yourself first
It is desirable to handle your life like it’s essential and important. So, put yourself in the first place and do the right thing for you.
Do not only grab up where the relation left off when your man comes back to you. Since he wants you back, he would have more of an opportunity to really fix the problems that led to the split.
Now it’s the time for the problems to be discussed and worked on. Don’t let him tell you that it was your issue. The way he reacted or did not respond made things worse, even though the issue started with you.
Do the work of fixing these problems without letting him know that you are doing the task, and once he sees the changes, he won’t trust it. Only do the job and see if he reacts.
You’re going in the right way if he reacts positively. If he maintains the actions that led to your breakup then you don’t want him back.
4. Don’t try to force him to come back
Just forcing him farther away is trying to convince your ex-partner to come back. It shows that, without you, he’s better off because you seem weak and needy.
Weak and needy are qualities that will destroy any desire that any man may have towards you. Men are attracted to women who are content with themselves. So, be happy, live your life, let your radiant energy shine, and make him wonder why you’re not together for the second time.
5. Let him come to you.
On what he has to work for, a man puts a greater value. Don’t make it really easy for him when you miss your ex. Rather than calling him at a vulnerable time, you can instead call a caring friend.
The gap that was created during your breakup actually lets him see if he missed you. Let him think about what are you doing. Whether he needs to see you, wants a booty call, or misses you, he’ll start messaging you.
React warmly but respectfully when he reaches out before you know what his motives and reasons are. Avoid sleeping with him until you fix the problems that led to the breakup.
6. Keep a clear and hopeful vision.
This time around, be straightforward about how you want your relationship to be. Then act and behave in ways that help your dream and make you feel good about yourself. Let things naturally unfold and remain open to the result.
Relax and believe that things will work out for the betterment if you find yourself being focused on getting the ex back.
Understand that there might be someone else that is good for you if he doesn’t come back.
Remember: if he exploits you, this person is not worth getting back with, is a freeloader, is mentally, physically, and/or extremely abusive to you, encourages you to do things that are wrong, illegal or unethical, has issues with drug abuse, faults others and never bears responsibility for himself, tried to cheat, lies or can not be believed.
However things are turning out with this person, you’re going to be okay. You’ll have a more caring and satisfying relation if he comes back. As for how he loves and treats you, you would have set a higher level.
And you are a stronger and healthier version of yourself if he doesn’t come back. You’re going to attract a man that’s good for you. Besides, you will have a more loving relationship with yourself.