Fighting in a loving relationship is a dynamic combination for every couple. A lot of combat may be due to aspirations that have been dashed, misinterpretation of body language, passive-aggressive communication, oblivion of your partner’s feelings and needs, and, most importantly, training that partners have gained from their families and experience. In every relationship, even good, couples will dispute and disagree.

There are a lot of reasons why couples seem to fight. The causes of a relationship’s misapprehension are too numerous, but you might be wondering how they can be resolved because disagreements will still arise? We’re going to look at a few reasons why couples are fighting and why they are.

Your lover can often feel misunderstood and misinterpreted, so why is this happening? Misunderstandings occur when your partner usually interprets or projects in a negative or hurtful way what you do or what you say. In this situation, no amount of justification or protection can change a person’s mind.

So you’re stuck in a position where you’ve said or done something, and your partner has perceived it differently, and you can’t persuade them otherwise, and it’s going to be really difficult.

This is not to deny that maybe, just maybe, your action had some harmful content to them, as it may have been a passive-aggressive action to them, but you really don’t know that you may not know that until you have some insight into it, but you feel confused.

When you feel misunderstood, you’re going to do whatever you can to get justice or understanding in this relationship. You may have the best of intentions when you’ve taken the action or spoken those words, but your partner doesn’t see it that way, and they’re taking it and blowing it out in a different way.

This is a popular pattern among partners, where someone isn’t recognized in the way they want to be understood.

You both speak to each other, compete to be heard and validated, and nothing happens at the end of the day. If you continue to fight your partner this way, nothing is going to change.

Of course, it seems right to point out your feelings to your partner, but if the other person doesn’t hear you out, the situation will remain unresolved.

(a) Not Been Given Enough Credit And Support:

You or your partner either feel that you are not given enough credit for what you have contributed or achieved in your relationship. One individual sees mental, physical and financial sacrifices in one way, and the other person sees them in another way.

The issues might be about child care, the house rent, it could be about washing, it could be about sensuality or something about a relationship that seems very uneven; the person could be working too hard, and the other person thinks that childcare is all about them.

One partner may be the financial cornerstone of the partnership, and the other person thinks that he spends too much money. But you’re not credited, you’re not known, and you’re not encouraged by who you are and what you’re doing, and you’re starting to hold scores and compete with your partner.

The woman may begin to feel that the man isn’t there for her, because she spends so much time with her friends, or playing video games, or logging in to social media for too long, leaving only her to concentrate on the kids. She thinks like this is the reason why they don’t spend time with each other.

You take care of things in your own way, but your partner doesn’t see it. Your partner may also inform you that 70% of the burden is being done, and this is another way to be misinterpreted.

Some couples record every failure of their partners, keep ratings, and some even go as far as writing down (a couple’s list). There are deeper problems that you need to analyze frankly. The main issue is that you haven’t been heard the way you want to be heard, and as important as most partners don’t talk about it in their relationship, they don’t talk about the real problem.

(b) You May See A Different Viewpoint Or A Bigger Picture That Your Partner Does Not See:

You feel that there’s a way the relationship should be, or how the family should be managed, but your spouse feels different.

For example, you feel that your child should have more limits, more boundaries, or tough love, and your partner feels that the child should be offered more benefits of doubt, more encouragement, or more cuddling.

In certain cases, the two of you are going to be at odds. It’s a difficult one because you have a different perspective on how things will work out.

Instead of arguing, find ways to talk to your partners about the topic. People in relationships usually fight for things rather than fight for substance. You’re negotiating for problems without letting your partners know why they matter to you, and still, you’re not going anywhere, you’re going back and forth.

That’s why you might have struggled over the same problems over and over again. The conflict is about who we are and what matters to us.

If you see a wider picture of your relationship, it’s coming from your family of origin; it’s coming from what you saw, what you didn’t get, or what you really liked, and your spouse, of course, had a different family, and they’re seeing it in the way they see it.

There will always be different ways for people to see things in terms of a larger picture, and if you don’t talk about what it is like for you to be handled in a certain way, misunderstood or misinterpreted, then this conflict will go on and on.

Generally, when couples keep fighting in their relationship, it’s because problems don’t get resolved. When conflicts are not resolved, the same conflict over and over again may also become a repetitive pattern in the relationship. This can trigger a lot of tension for the couple, and a lot of emotional fatigue, because they’re always fighting this war and this conflict, not winning it, and not resolving anything in the process.

This constant struggle can lead to a couple becoming more isolated and irritated. You should learn how to put an end to this endless struggle that is not good for your relationship.

Here are a few tips on how to avoid fighting in a relationship and how to develop a more respectful relationship:


It is crucial for you and your partner to recognize your emotions in every fight or argument. Sometimes when you are angry or frustrated, you can let these negative emotions come to the fore and your true emotion that you feel inside is not really expressed in a safe or productive way. So it’s very important to recognize your true emotion.

Your true emotion is not the emotion of frustration. You want to recognize the primary emotion that you felt before you got angry;

(a) Have you been disappointed?
(b) Have you been feeling sad?
(c) Have you been scared?
(d) Did you feel hurt?
(e) Have you been feeling left out?

Identify these key feelings, tap into them, and use them as declarations so that you and your partner can speak more deeply about how to address problems on the ground. You need to let your partner know where you are, and your partner needs to let you know where you are.

If both of you can recognize your primary emotions and candidly talk to each other about them, you can communicate easily and work to resolve problems.


When you argue that it can get very tense; the more tense it is, the more difficult it is for you to be cool, the more difficult it is for you not to scream at your partner, or to lash out verbally or physically.

You have to calm your body; you have to take some deep breaths. You have to find ways to slow down yourself. You should take the time to think about what you’re mad about, what really hurts your feelings, what really caused you, talk to that.

Relax your body as much as you can; if you remain relaxed, your partner can feed your very relaxing feelings, and then you guys will have a successful conversation.

The calmer you are, the more real rational reasoning you can do, and not be so emotionally reactive that the argument increases. So remain calm, as this is a crucial step to helping you spread any stressful crisis.


You need to explicitly state what you need from your significant other to avoid the argument. This is going to help you guys get to the agreement sooner.

You can fight all day long, but you don’t find a solution; so you need to tell your partner what you need.

Ask your partner;

(a) What are you going to do for me?
(b) What are you going to give me?
(c) What can you say that will make me feel better?
(d) What can you do to improve the situation?
(e) What can you do to help resolve this issue?

So you’ve to start bringing in some of the acts that your partner wants to do for you, and they’re going to do the same for you.

This will take you from a state of heightened emotional reactivity to where you can take rational action to fix issues. This is a wonderful resource that you can always use, and it worked a lot.


Being polite means not shouting, not saying degrading things, not cursing one another. Be respectful simply means treating your partner the way you want to be treated.

Nobody wants to be screamed at, nobody wants to belittle or degraded or cursed. Your partner’s yelling or swearing isn’t going to help the situation; it’s only going to make the situation worse.

But you need to start putting a respectful tone on your sentences. This is going a long way to calm things down.


When you and your partner can not find an understanding or a settlement, it just keeps coming around again and again. It doesn’t have to be a big issue, it can be a little thing.

You should guarantee that your partner will not speak or act in a way that will annoy them, and that your partner will agree not to do so in the future, so as not to make you sad or annoy, whatever it might be.

You guys may also try to give each other some space to think objectively and peacefully before you decide to go back to it to find a long-term solution to the problem.

You and your partner need to make some sort of arrangement. You’re not supposed to keep dropping the issue, keep pushing it under the rug, and never fix it; this mentality will only make the issue worse as you get more upset, and that results in a lashing out, and the same goes for your spouse.

There has to be some form of arrangement; whether it’s a short-term arrangement or a longer-term agreement, you need something that you can both negotiate on and agree on, which has to do with what you and your partner were talking about in the first place.

If you and your partner can actually fix problems and come to an understanding, you’re going to feel more linked and feel more like the team and the partnership for a happy and stable relationship. You will feel a lot happier, a lot more fulfilled and a lot happier in your relationship.

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